The Promise

“The Promise”

   As only a mother knows what it is like to give of life, to feel that human inside of her from the moment of conception. I felt every inch of you, every movement you took. Not a moment of you was ever taken for granted. I anticipated so much for you, for us, a future of hope I dreamt while you laid sleeping safely inside of me. I cherished those months of watching you grow as my stomach stretched beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I laughed when I could use my stomach as a table and place my drink on top of you, until your kicks became more aggressive and would knock my drinks over. Still I laughed at such amusing things as this, all the while I just waited for you to come to me.

 Then the miracle happen, you came to me. All the pain of birth seemed to vanish the moment I saw your tiny beautiful face. Those perfect fingers, those small tiny feet of yours. I have never seen such beauty in my life until I saw you. I fell in love the second you were placed into my arms.

 Then time came and went and you grew into this young little girl with her own thoughts. I laughed at all those small little things that you would say and do. I videotaped all your dance lessons, your singing lessons; I taped all your dreams. We would sit for hours just watching you and laugh at all your funny little things you did on them. All your funny faces that I would claim that would someday make your face stay in those distorted looks if you kept them up, but you never listen to me and still made them.

 Then time moved on and I'm not sure what happened but you stopped laughing, you stopped making those funny faces. You no longer wanted those dance lessons and singing lessons. Your dreams changed but I didn't know it. When did you change? Why didn't you tell me that you changed? You stopped talking to me but I was still laughing at all that was and didn't see all that is. You changed the color of your hair but I saw it as you wanted to be different, not as someone who was hurting inside. Why didn't you tell me that you hurt? You changed the way you spoke to me, for you didn't talk to me, you talked at me. You pulled away but I thought you needed time away but instead you really needed me to pull you closer. Why didn't I see that? Why didn't I see you for all that was inside of you instead I was concerned of what was going on the outside of you? All the times you didn't come home at night, I figured you just needed time away from me and our fights. Instead I should have hunted you down and forced you to come home. Why didn't I do that? I was more concerned about you hating me then me being the mother that I should have been and had you hate me and know that you were home and safe. But I didn't do that, instead I let you go.

 When you did come home I could smell the alcohol on your breath and I should have asked you where you were, but I didn't for I was scared to ask for I didn't really want to know anymore. I was tired of all the fighting and yelling but I should have fought harder back, instead I gave up. I'm sorry that I gave up, I'm sorry that I didn't do all that I promised for you. I'm sorry that I wasn't the mother that you needed me to be. I'm sorry that I didn't fight for you, instead of fighting with you. I should have told you more that I loved you. This was a hard lesson to learn as I stand here at your grave site.

 I should have said so much while you were here when I had the chance. I should have held you when I heard you crying. I should have told you that you couldn't dress the way you did when you walked out my door. I should have fought you when you yelled at me. I should have done so much but now I can't for I took that away from you. I took away your chances of having kids, of getting married. I took away your chances of having your dreams come true. You will never dance again, or sing a tune that gave melody to this house. For all of this I am sorry, I am sorry that you will never be all that I promised. For I didn't do as I promised, that is be the mother that you needed me to be.

Written by

DMD

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Wiltering Petals

“Wiltering petals”

So there I found the rose

Holding onto its last breath

It was wiltering away

The rose looked so lifeless

So I started removing the discolored petals

One by one

What a lovely surprise I found

As I removed each one

The rose was so much softer

Its color was even brighter

For beneath the wiltering petals

Was something even lovelier

I admired its warmth of beauty

I engulfed its sweet perfume

I had to smile to myself

Realizing its beauty wasn’t where I assumed

So I put the rose back down

To admire it once again

Knowing the rose won me over

From its beauty within

Written by

DMD

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~Just a Memory~

“Just a memory”

You were so in love, you laugh and sang

The perfect couple they said as the church bells rang

Through smiling faces and rice being thrown

Off to your honeymoon somewhere in Rome

You made love all night; you’re in love sweet bliss

You spoken tender words and sealed your love with a kiss

You talked of a child to bloom your sweet love

Dreamt of white picket fences and snow white turtle doves

As the honeymoon comes to an end and I settle into your womb

A heartbeat I am, I’m your dream come true

As time moves on, your love for him turns into hate

Bickering and fighting as you tell him your friend has been late

I’m snuggling inside, a soft warm home

We are now one, you are no longer alone

He walks out your door; he doesn’t want to be a part of this

Wedding bells are over as he slams the door in a fit

Alone he left her; she is now crying and sad

Alone and pregnant there is no longer a dad

A mom to be she doesn’t know what to do

A moment in time she wanted me, now she hasn’t a clue

An appointment she made to talk about me

She wipes her tears away as she finds out I’m a he

She wraps her arms around her womb, to cover the sound of her voice

She says I’m so sorry, but I’m left with no choice

I give her a kick; I try to reach her heart

That was my last memory before I was ripped a part

Written by

DMD

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~Just One More ~

“Just one more”

Just one more cut to know I’m alive

Just one more pill to cover the scars

Just one more drink so I can survive

She stands in her bedroom doorway

Her hands covered in blood

Just one more cut so I can feel alive

Her small frail son

Sits in the old chair

Rocks back and forth

Quivering in fear

Just one more pill she yells to her son

To cover my unattractiveness

Of years gone by

He looks up, his eyes filled with tears

He screams out

Why? Why? Why?

Just one more drink she yells

As she is barely able to hold on

I just know I can survive

I go and I sit next to him

Not sure how to comfort his pain

I look into the direction he’s looking

I try to remain unruffled and serene

Just one more cut to feel I’m alive

Just one more pill to hide my scars

Just one more drink I know I will survive

I take his small hand Place it into mine

Somehow he pulls himself together

Stands with apprehension

Still trembling in fear

She watches him

As he walks past her

His eyes

Drenched in pain

She yells at him

Just one more cut so I can feel alive

Just one more pill to cover these scars

Just one more drink I know I will survive

In the whisk of the moment she sees his pain

She moves closer to her son as she follows his eyes

There in this moment

Is what caught her by surprise

There she lies in her bed

Drenched in her own blood

Pills scattered amongst the wet stain sheets

On the floor next to her bed

Is her last fallen drink

Just one more cut

She says in a whisper

For I’m no longer alive

Just one more pill

For I can no longer hide

Just one more drink

As I close my eyes

Written by

DMD

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My Theory on Women

Females, there is nothing like us in this world. We are a complicated being, we are filled with many emotions and such a thought process that men have failed time and time again to understand what and how our minds work.

Yet this isn’t about men and trying to get them to understand our nature, this is about women getting along with other women.

I’ve in my years have had some of the most beautiful relationships with women (get your minds out of the gutter men, not that kind of relationship) yet also I’ve had some of those relationships turn on me, yet only one of those relationships still to this day I hold dear in my heart, I will forever love her and cherish her even though we live miles apart.

Why do women turn on each other?

Why do women back stab?

Why do women not love and respect each other?

These are complicated questions yet I do believe in my heart that I understand and know the answers to these questions,

For example I see it every day in my pack of huskies; I have two female huskies and 5 male huskies. Both females are independent and can hold their own when it comes to the males; they both bring something different to the pack. Yet only one female can be head female of the male huskies. They will fight, they will bicker, and they will tag each other until one of them gives up and leaves the other female to attend to the male huskies.

It’s Mother Nature

It’s no different here in the human world with us females

We will hate on each other, we will back stab each other and we will do what it takes to get what we need to do to get the job done.

When in our growing years, our hormonal years of entering our womanhood, our hormonal levels control us in many ways even if our own minds don’t understand this our body does. We are getting ready to reproduce, even if our little bodies are too small and slender to give birth our internal bodies are still ready and is pounding away inside ourselves telling us to look for the mate to mate with and it turns on these signals to start looking.

So we get crushes

If there is a male that we find ourselves having this crush with and there is another female who has this same crush, the fight begins, the cycle of life and all it involves start to takes it course.

It is no different than the example I gave above in the mother nature world, when two females come together for mating reasons, only one female can be the leader and the other will walk away licking her wounds.

The back stabbing starts, the head female in the being world will do what it takes and tear down the other female to make herself more attractive to the male. She will point out the weakness in her rival female than the male will find her less attractive and go towards the stronger female.

We as young girls don’t understand this for all we see it as is bulling, yet in truth it is getting ready for mating and calling out the males we want to mate with. Removing all possible threats that stand in the way of that mating, even if we are too young for mating it is part of the natural process of mating.

We are programmed at early childhood that we are only allowed to mate with one at a time so we must protect our mate that we have our eyes on, so the fight starts and we will fight the female who refuses to remove herself from the mate we choose and want to mate with.

So blood and tears are shed and only one will walk out of that fight the leader, the stronger female

We call this in the being world girl fights, we fight for a boy that we love or think we love yet our parents tell us that we are too young to love that we can’t possibly know what love is and it is just a crush that soon will pass, but we love him and we will do what it takes for him to love us.

Mother Nature is cruel

So we grow and grow and we have many rivals with other females and we distance ourselves into certain groups that are like us or we just shut down emotionally from other females from years of being bullied and abused from each other.

We reach adulthood

We miss trust each other for during our process into womanhood we did what Mother Nature programmed us to do, we fought each other and now we are left with scars.

We tread carefully around each other, for the mistrust runs deep and whether or not how much we have grown into our womanhood and how much emotionally we are secure with ourselves determines on how much we can give to our own sex.

Some females never out grow that mating pattern and they will continue the same abuse of fighting women, they are insecure with themselves, they will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel worthy inside when in truth they are weak

Those are what we call in the adult female world the back stabbers, they never grew up and formed a thick skin of what happen in childhood growth and grew into themselves, and they will forever feel the threat of another female and will hurt that female for inside she is a child that still cries over old wounds.

Than we have the secure females that yes she has her scars from mating yet she doesn’t let those scars burden her and she will seek out another female who also is secure and has her scars as well and they will form a relationship unlike any other. A friendship that bonds with love and pureness that is untouchable. No distance or miles can stop that kind of friendship and love.

In truth this is the stronger female, the better female and she will love another female and give to her and nurture her for that is what us females do, we love, and we nurture, unlike the males creatures, we can bond in ways that is beautiful and giving.

Written by
DMD
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No Copy Righting

~My Brother ~

“My brother”

Can you hear me, does my voice travel to your side

I just want you to know, that today, I did fall down and cry

I heard their words, so kind, so giving, yet I was left with no voice

I know inside I don’t understand, for I have to accept your choice

Can you hear me, my brother; today I felt your presences

You were right by my side; could you hear all my questions?

I fell to my knees as I lift the remaining of this dirt

When will all this pain fade, when will I no longer hurt?

I can still hear your voice; it lingers deep in me my brother

Today is the making of a new day as I watch all the others

Tears strolling down wet cheeks, they are all in pain for you

You never saw your meaning, you never felt the truth

Can you hear me my brother, as I toss the remaining of the dirt

I will never forget you, for I will forever remain in this hurt

Today is the day that I will always show them your truth

For today is the day my brother, the day that I buried you

Written by

DMD

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~If You should by chance ~

“If you should by chance”

If you should by chance

Trace me in your

Thoughts

Color me in thee

Color

Blue

If you should by chance

Hear my voice

In the wind

Color it in thee

Color

Pale tan

If you should by chance

Get wet by thee

Winds that carry rain

Color me in thee

Color

Of traced lines

If you should by chance

Wonder where

I am

Open up

Your pale tan palms

My wet beating

Heart

Is

With you

Written by

DMD

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No Copyrighting

~The Letter~

“The letter”

If you wanted to hurt me today then you got what you wanted. If not showing of your self was punishment, than I felt the lasses of the whip upon my skin. With each cut of the whip I felt deeply and the scars remain fresh. They are a constant reminder for me that I will never be all you want me to be.

I don’t know what you want anymore, for I don’t think inside you really know what you want. Yet I know you reach out to me then push me away time and time again. I, being the fool that I am, always come back hoping this time it will be different.

It’s not different, for it will never be different, will it? I will always be the bad one, the one that hurts you, and the one that you blame for your pain.

I must have read that letter a hundred times that you wrote about me and you read it out openly to everyone, everyone heard your pain, felt your tears, and their heart broke for you. For if I didn’t know any better than I do, my heart would break for you also. If I hadn’t known those words were about me then I would have been crying for you.

You packaged those words up like a Christmas gift under a tree, wrapped perfectly with a matching bow and you placed them in my hand. A gift to me with all the eyes of the world can see that it is me those words belong to. I lied to you when I said those words wouldn’t hurt me, for it did. Yet that’s what I do, I lie when I know things are going to hurt so deeply inside. I let people believe that I am stronger then I am, for I don’t want to be the weak one when others are around. I’m a soldier in body yet a child in blood.

I read each word and I logically tear them apart piece by piece and I hold each one under a magnified glass and study them, I desperately want to understand you and all that makes you, just you. Yet I still after studying these words you placed in front of me, I still can’t understand any of this.

How did we get here after all these years? How can I correct what you think is wrong when in my mind I do believe I have done right by you.

I am not a page in your letter, nor am I a chapter in a book, for I am the whole book, you just can’t skip lines or chapters and expect to understand the meaning behind the hard covers. You judge me on the surface of what you see and then expect me not to react to your actions.

I am a person just like you, I hurt, I feel, I am no different than everyone else. Yet you give everyone around you more of yourself then you give me. You expect me to always reach farther, deeper into you and always have the answers ready for you when you need them. I can’t handle this pressure anymore, for me myself am always in search of understanding and meaning also.

You know so little of me for I have always been silent about what goes on inside of my head. I always fear saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing and waiting for you to always say you’re leaving. You leave so often and always leave me with the mess behind to clean up.

How many times have you slammed that door on me, for I have lost count? How many times you said that you hate me, for those words still echo in the silence after the door slams closed? Those words drown me for they have been said to me so many times from you.

How many times is too many times for me to stay here and allow myself to be drowned by you and your pain?  For I need air too! I need to be looked at and understood also. I need to be told of what’s good in my heart and not just my faults of all my wrong doings.

Yet that’s all you see, is my faults. You hang on to them and record them with dates and times. You want to be able to hang onto them for dear life and use them at your convenience when you feel the need to attack me, I will never be released of all this.

I will never be released by you and your pain.

I am just human, I cannot be packaged, I am not your words and you are not my Judge ……

Written by

DMD

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No Copyrighting

~A Gift to You ~

“A gift to you”

You are shattered and broken

You fall down and cry

You always question

As your screaming out why

I give to you my friend

My hands to help you stand tall

Can you feel my strength

You are no longer alone

You tremble with pain

Your anger soars

You deny everyone around you

For you hurt to the core

I give to you my friend

My shoulders to bear it all

You are no longer alone

I am for you that strong

For this pain you carry

Makes you want to run and hide

You think no one understands

All this pain you keep inside

I give to you my friend

My warm embrace

You are no longer alone

Together now it can be faced

You tremble with tears

You feel so alone

Your heart is in so much pain

You no longer can see anyone

I give to you my friend

My eyes to see it through

You are no longer alone

For I have always been standing next to you

You want to give up

You just want to throw it all in

You can’t see any way out

You think your pain is going to win

I give to you my friend

My heart it’s a gift to you

For you are no longer alone

For now my heart beats for two

I stand next to you

While you’re still on your knees

I place this gift in front of you

This gift will always be me

Written by

DMD

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"Life iS Born"

“Life is born”

As thee humbling rain falls

A seed planted its roots

A flower emerges towards surface

The sun graced its bloom

Heavenly colors, life is born

Written by

DMD

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No copyrighting

~The Holidays~

The holidays, it’s the time of the year when you turn on the TV and you see Christmas stories of love and such sweetness. Yet in truth it is nothing like that in reality, it’s more on the lines of screaming, yelling, complaining, beer drinking and all sorts of bad language.

My story starts about a week before Christmas when I start my Christmas cleaning of tearing the house apart and trying to make it into what I think a house should look like, but never does. I become this mad woman on a hunt for perfection, a woman on a mission to complete what I never complete and I kill myself trying and I kill those around me in the process.

“Don’t walk on that floor because I just scrubbed it”

“Don’t sit on that couch because I just vacuumed it”

To live with me during this process is impossible, you are just better off not to come home for a week, because I will never notice your gone and it will just make my life a lot easier.

During my “madness” time of cleaning and bitching at those (mostly Tommy) not to touch a fucking thing or I will kill them, the pellet stove decided to take a day off. Not just any day off, but it had to be during the coldest day of high winds and freezing tempts. Of course I didn’t notice at the beginning that it was taking a day off because I am mad crazy cleaning. I’m running around doing this and that and hadn’t quite notice that the temperature in the house is dropping rather quickly.

By afternoon I can feel my fingers starting to hurt and I realize then the beginning of a very long problem. I go to the pellet stove and nothing, no fire, no smoke, no life to it at all.

Huh!

I start it up and puff, it goes out.

Huh!

It becomes a game between me and the pellet stove for hours as I watch the temperatures drop and I can’t figure out why it won’t stay lit. tom is nowhere to be found(figures) and I’m becoming quite irritated  with the fact that this has stopped my cleaning and I am getting nothing done and I’m becoming rather cold and frosty myself.

The house is in the 60’s and well I give up on the pellet stove and I just throw on more clothes and I go back to cleaning.

By evening time the house is now in the 50’s and my toes are now hurting and my fingers are in a lot of pain from being so cold for too long of a time and tom has yet come home (grrrr)

When did he start listening to me?

I give up on cleaning and I throw on blankets around me for extra warmth and now I want pepper to lie on top of me, he refuses. (Of course, it’s because I want him to but all other times he has no problem in suffocating me with his weight, damn dog.)

It’s midnight and tom finally gets home and it’s in the 40’s and I’m pissed but too cold to move or talk because I’m frozen on the couch, a popsicle once again, a family tradition I can see forming every winter of watching me freeze and defrost.

Fucking family sucks!

Tom enters the house and asks “why is it so cold in here?” I would have given him my dirty look but my face is frozen in this look that I had 5 hours ago before the stages of frost took over.

Tom tears apart the stove, pulls out every bolt and screws, and cleans it from top to bottom (while cursing at me on how dirty it is grrr) all the while he is showing me what it is I am suppose to do to the stove on how to clean this and that, demonstrating with his hands and the scraper on how to go about doing it.

He is walking the line of a dead man.

He puts it all back together, looking all pretty and new and he lights it.

Puff!

I swear, I would have laughed at him but I’m frozen and my mind is plotting on how to kill him for telling me on how to clean.

All the while the temperature is still dropping in the house.

He is now getting pissed because he wanted to blame my lack of cleaning it properly as to the problem as why it is not working.

Ha Ha Ha idiot!

After looking at it for about an hour he decided to go outside and see if there was a problem with the outside hose.

And holy cow wouldn’t you know it, there lies the problem, the hose is clogged shut with dirt and grime and whatever else all that gross stuff was. So he cleaned it all the while, mind you, blaming me for not keeping an eye on this problem. (So I go back to plotting his death)

He puts it all back together and the fire starts roaring and heat comes from the stove. (He is saved from death for he fixed the problem)

We go to bed happy little people (if he only knew)

A few hours go by and pepper is jumping on me for it is 5am he wants to start his day.

Fuck me!

The house is still very cold, it is only in the 50’s and I grab my morning coffee and pepper and I go over to the three fish tanks that we own. (Our morning ritual)

 The fish tanks are housed in the living room right next to the pellet stove, for I own all cichlids. Three Oscars (which are 15 to 19 inches length) and I own 7 fire mouths, (which are 6 inches in length) and these are all very warm blooded fish that live in 84 temps water, they cannot handle cold water for it will kill them.

So pepper jumps up on his seat and I go and turn on all the tanks and I see one of my Oscars dead!

What the fuck!

I see all my fish acting crazy, fish on drugs it looked like, as they were swimming madly and jumping. It is not a pretty sight seeing a big fish going mad crazy, water splashing and spraying everywhere.

A fire mouth just died in front of me

My heart is just aching because I really love my fish, they are beautiful to me and I get such enjoyment out of them, So to watch them die in front of me and I haven’t a clue as to why is just killing me inside.

So I stuck my hand in the water to remove the dead fishes and the water is cold, not just cold but very cold. So I look on the temp and it reads nothing, so that means it is below 70. So the water could be anything from on the 60’s on under.

Their heaters are dead in the tank, so that must mean that it has been the pellet stove that has been keeping the water warm (I have no idea how long) and when the stove didn’t work and the house dropped in temperature, so didn’t their water drop as well.

They (the fish) are now under a lot of stress which opens them up to every parasite and they are freezing as well, so they are dying due to this and they are dying fast.

So I started removing all decorations from their tank to open it up and I broke down the other two fish tanks (one tank is for their food and the other is a hospital tank) and I put in the heaters into the main tank that housed them to start warming up the water quickly.

Another fire mouth just died

I have to start killing off the parasites before they do anymore damage to my fish (do not try this unless you know what you are doing and know where your fish naturally come from, otherwise you will burn your fish to death or possibly just kill them right away) I turn my freshwater tank into a salt water tank, the instant change of water type will kill off the parasites instantly and it will destroy the eggs as well in time once they hatch and are looking for a host.

Your fish will burn for it will burn the outer scales but they will live through it, if you do it right. (If they are strong enough to handle it, meaning the parasites haven’t done too much damage)

Another Oscar died during the process

So I’m down to my oldest Oscar (my favorite one) and I’m down to 5 fire mouths.

You cannot leave the tank a salt water tank for too long, for they are not salt water fish, but cichlids do naturally come from rivers and lakes that house some sort of salt so they can handle it for sometime without long term damage.

I let them soak in the saltwater for one hour and I slowly start the process (which takes days) to remove it and return it to freshwater.

Another fire mouth died

I start the removal of the water process and I start adding the slimy gooey stuff to repair the damage that will soon start to appear if they live through it.

I turn off their light (for darkness is soothing to them) and I walk away feeling depressed and sad, and I can feel my tears right to my surface but I fight them back.

A few days go by

Another fire mouth died, so I’m down to my favorite Oscar and 3 fire mouths left, they are barely hanging on and they have burns on them and they look like Dalmatians, what a sad moment this is for me. I’m still removing water and replacing it with slimy gooey stuff for repairing damage and their lights are still on off mode to keep them still and motionless. So I am at the point where they survived the harsh saltwater, so I can now start adding medication to prevent bacteria problems.

Christmas has arrived! Who the fuck cares for I’m so not in the Christmas mood.

Pepper jumps on top of me, it’s 5am, it’s time to get up and be cheerful, fuck! Pepper runs over to his seat near the fish tanks and I go get my coffee to start a fucking Christmas day.

Pepper is waiting for me, but I don’t return to him for I’m stuck in the kitchen stuffing a stupid ass turkey and I’m basting it as I sing Christmas sucks and I throw it in the stupid oven.

I return to pepper and I turn on my fish tank and I look at my Dalmatians for fish and I remove more water and I put in slimy gooey stuff and I put in medications and I look at my favorite Oscar and I beg him to just hang on to life and I shut the tank light off.

The house is a mess I realized and I have people coming over

Fuck me, for I forgot to finish my house cleaning and prepare for this day of pure hell.

I start racing around like the mad crazy woman that I am and I start cleaning this and that, vacuum this and that, polish this and that.

Pepper get out of my way!

Pepper no!

Pepper stop it!

Race the other 7 dogs outside, feed the 7 dogs, and give the 7 dogs their Christmas bone (anything to make them happy) get them back to their room and into bed.

Shower time for me, get dressed, put on make-up and I start blow drying my hair and here comes tom into the bathroom (just getting up)

Where are the dogs? Where is buttons? (His favorite dog)

I can feel my death plot against him start racing through my mind again, for his list of complaints and demands starts up. I am exhausted for I have been going crazy all morning and he slept through the whole thing (amazingly) and now he awakes and I have done everything and he now wants to bring the dogs into the downstairs of the house after I just finished everything and making it look good for the guest.

Is he mad crazy?

I feel my blood pressure rising and I start in on him and he backs away from me and settles into his chair in front of the computer and he is safe for the moment from me, for he is out of my hair.

Christmas sucks!

People suck!

I go back into the kitchen, I’m baking bread, cookies, I’m cooking up a storm for what feels like a million people and I’m lost in hell of Christmas cooking. I’m not to be found until hours later.

Tom’s family arrives.

Within seconds I hear pepper screaming and I jump out of my baking high and I run to my dog.

What the fuck!

Tom’s crazy aunt has hurt him already, I look at tom with this fucking pissed off look and he knows I’m fucking pissed!

He is supposed to be watching pepper (it’s his only job to do) and pepper is already hurt.

I grab my dog and I go back to the kitchen

Tom sucks!

Tom’s mother follows me into the kitchen, she is drunk already and she starts in on me.

“I’m staying out there with my son (as she points to the living room) for I didn’t get to talk to my son over thanksgiving” (yes she did, she just doesn’t remember it because she was drunk then too)

She said it so loudly it felt like an earthquake, for she is a loud drunk and she has a nasty mouth when she is drunk.

“Okay, go” I replied as I turn up the radio to drown her and the others out and I try to sing fucking Christmas music that is playing on the radio.

Christmas blows!

My son shows up and hides in the kitchen with me and where talking and I can feel my blood pressure go down a bit and I can feel maybe a glimmer of hope of the Christmas spirit enter me. So I leave the kitchen and I go to the dining area which is connected to the living area and the fish tanks lights are on, grr, I shut them off and tom’s crazy aunt starts in on me about the fish.

I ignore her, for I don’t want to talk about it and I clear the table of its linings and I try to set the stupid ass table.

Tom’s mother is shouting at me for another beer

I go back to the kitchen to get it, I come out with the beer and the fish tank light is back on grrrr I shut it off and I go and give her another beer.

The plot of death is back on but somehow I have added people to it, this brings a smile to me. I leave her and the others and I return to the kitchen, where I am stirring, mashing, dashing this and that with this and that.

My daughter is now texting me, telling me how much I suck!

Merry fucking Christmas too you to!

I leave the kitchen and I start to bring things to the table and the fucking fish tank lights are back on, what the fuck! Are they trying to kill my four Dalmatians of fish?

“I’m so sorry” I say to my Oscar and I shut the light off once again

Dinner time

Me, tom, my son, crazy lady and drunken lady all sit.

Fuck!!!! I forgot to cook their favorite vegetables!

They complained! Of course!

I couldn’t eat fast enough to get away from the table, to get away from them, to escape back into the kitchen where I could hear my wine calling out my name saying “drink me, drink me, it will all go away”

I escape

I down a glass within seconds

I can feel tingles going through out my whole body, mmmm it feels good

They found me

Fuck

They all come into the kitchen and I pour myself another glass and I leave, back out into the dining area and what the fuck, the fish light is back on again.

Those mother fuckers!

I went straight back into the kitchen area to say something but I was dead stopped into my tracks for I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

Drunken lady had my son and tom cleaning the ceiling fans and lights, for she said they were dirty and she can’t stand being in a dirty house.

Merry fucking Christmas to me!!!!!

Written by

DMD

No copyrighting

All rights belong to this author

(Holiday 2009)

Birth of Dawn

Birth of Dawn

Hidden behind thee glorified sunrise

Lies thee glisten blue stars

Waiting

For the earthly scents too pass

From the birth of dawn

Written by

DMD

No Copyrighting

All rights belong to this Author