Disconnected

“Disconnected”

Disconnected is the color black like on a moonless night when you can’t see anything in front of you. Yet sounds are everywhere and you want to follow the noises, yet something stops you. You are prevented from moving ahead for your afraid of what lies ahead.

So you stay

Hands are reaching out, for you desperately want to feel your surroundings, yet your hands don’t move. Your arms are so heavy that you just can’t lift them and you question why.

So your mind speaks, yet your body doesn’t respond. You are disconnected from yourself. You are alone in your own body and you’re lost somewhere in there and no one can see or hear you.

I can hear the echoes of my voice bouncing off the walls of my inner self and it comes back to me and no one is in between to hear my cries of help.

Alone

For in that moment I realize I am alone and I am scared

Inside my mind I knew what I wanted to do, I wanted to find the sun and I wanted to feel its warmth once again. I wanted to run and feel a human again, to brand that feeling of human contact into my brain so I will never forget that feeling.

Yet I needed to find my way out of the darkness, I needed to make contact with my body and tell it to listen to my voice.

I was just a voice with no body

Soon I found the light and I merge into myself and I open my eyes and I was being stabbed to death with needles of pain all over and I silently cried and I fell back into the darkness and I left my body and became just a voice again.

I was alone again

Disconnected from myself and I was thankful not to feel what I just felt.

I stepped away from the light, like a child who hides into corners, pushing its self further away from a bad experience that doesn’t understand just what took place.

I went deeper into myself

Lost in the darkness

Soon my voice faded, for no one was ever going to hear me

For I didn’t want to be found

I didn’t want the light

I didn’t want to feel

Time passes and all I hear was my breathing, slowly I was giving up on myself. I was coming to accept that I was never going to be found and I was forever going to be alone.

 With myself

Disconnected

Like on a moonless summer night, disconnected is the color black

Written by

DMD

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