Friday, January 21, 2011

~Just a Memory~

“Just a memory”

You were so in love, you laugh and sang
The perfect couple they said as the church bells rang
Through smiling faces and rice being thrown
Off to your honeymoon somewhere in Rome
You made love all night; you’re in love sweet bliss
You spoken tender words and sealed your love with a kiss
You talked of a child to bloom your sweet love
Dreamt of white picket fences and snow white turtle doves
As the honeymoon comes to an end and I settle into your womb
A heartbeat I am, I’m your dream come true
As time moves on, your love for him turns into hate
Bickering and fighting as you tell him your friend has been late
I’m snuggling inside, a soft warm home
We are now one, you are no longer alone
He walks out your door; he doesn’t want to be a part of this
Wedding bells are over as he slams the door in a fit
Alone he left her; she is now crying and sad
Alone and pregnant there is no longer a dad
A mom to be she doesn’t know what to do
A moment in time she wanted me, now she hasn’t a clue
An appointment she made to talk about me
She wipes her tears away as she finds out I’m a he
She wraps her arms around her womb, to cover the sound of her voice
She says I’m so sorry, but I’m left with no choice
I give her a kick; I try to reach her heart
That was my last memory before I was ripped a part

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Saturday, January 8, 2011

~Just One More ~

“Just one more”

Just one more cut to know I’m alive
Just one more pill to cover the scars
Just one more drink so I can survive

She stands in her bedroom doorway
Her hands covered in blood
Just one more cut so I can feel alive

Her small frail son
Sits in the old chair
Rocks back and forth
Quivering in fear

Just one more pill she yells to her son
To cover my unattractiveness
Of years gone by

He looks up, his eyes filled with tears
He screams out
Why? Why? Why?

Just one more drink she yells
As she is barely able to hold on
I just know I can survive

I go and I sit next to him
Not sure how to comfort his pain
I look into the direction he’s looking
I try to remain unruffled and serene

Just one more cut to feel I’m alive
Just one more pill to hide my scars
Just one more drink I know I will survive

I take his small hand Place it into mine
Somehow he pulls himself together
Stands with apprehension
Still trembling in fear

She watches him
As he walks past her
His eyes
Drenched in pain

She yells at him
Just one more cut so I can feel alive
Just one more pill to cover these scars
Just one more drink I know I will survive

In the whisk of the moment she sees his pain
She moves closer to her son as she follows his eyes
There in this moment
Is what caught her by surprise

There she lies in her bed
Drenched in her own blood
Pills scattered amongst the wet stain sheets
On the floor next to her bed
Is her last fallen drink

Just one more cut
She says in a whisper
For I’m no longer alive
Just one more pill
For I can no longer hide
Just one more drink
As I close my eyes

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Saturday, January 1, 2011

My Theory on Women

Females, there is nothing like us in this world. We are a complicated being, we are filled with many emotions and such a thought process that men have failed time and time again to understand what and how our minds work.
Yet this isn’t about men and trying to get them to understand our nature, this is about women getting along with other women.
I’ve in my years have had some of the most beautiful relationships with women (get your minds out of the gutter men, not that kind of relationship) yet also I’ve had some of those relationships turn on me, yet only one of those relationships still to this day I hold dear in my heart, I will forever love her and cherish her even though we live miles apart.
Why do women turn on each other?
Why do women back stab?
Why do women not love and respect each other?
These are complicated questions yet I do believe in my heart that I understand and know the answers to these questions,
For example I see it every day in my pack of huskies; I have two female huskies and 5 male huskies. Both females are independent and can hold their own when it comes to the males; they both bring something different to the pack. Yet only one female can be head female of the male huskies. They will fight, they will bicker, and they will tag each other until one of them gives up and leaves the other female to attend to the male huskies.
It’s Mother Nature
It’s no different here in the human world with us females
We will hate on each other, we will back stab each other and we will do what it takes to get what we need to do to get the job done.
When in our growing years, our hormonal years of entering our womanhood, our hormonal levels control us in many ways even if our own minds don’t understand this our body does. We are getting ready to reproduce, even if our little bodies are too small and slender to give birth our internal bodies are still ready and is pounding away inside ourselves telling us to look for the mate to mate with and it turns on these signals to start looking.
So we get crushes
If there is a male that we find ourselves having this crush with and there is another female who has this same crush, the fight begins, the cycle of life and all it involves start to takes it course.
It is no different than the example I gave above in the mother nature world, when two females come together for mating reasons, only one female can be the leader and the other will walk away licking her wounds.
The back stabbing starts, the head female in the being world will do what it takes and tear down the other female to make herself more attractive to the male. She will point out the weakness in her rival female than the male will find her less attractive and go towards the stronger female.
We as young girls don’t understand this for all we see it as is bulling, yet in truth it is getting ready for mating and calling out the males we want to mate with. Removing all possible threats that stand in the way of that mating, even if we are too young for mating it is part of the natural process of mating.
We are programmed at early childhood that we are only allowed to mate with one at a time so we must protect our mate that we have our eyes on, so the fight starts and we will fight the female who refuses to remove herself from the mate we choose and want to mate with.
So blood and tears are shed and only one will walk out of that fight the leader, the stronger female
We call this in the being world girl fights, we fight for a boy that we love or think we love yet our parents tell us that we are too young to love that we can’t possibly know what love is and it is just a crush that soon will pass, but we love him and we will do what it takes for him to love us.
Mother Nature is cruel
So we grow and grow and we have many rivals with other females and we distance ourselves into certain groups that are like us or we just shut down emotionally from other females from years of being bullied and abused from each other.
We reach adulthood
We miss trust each other for during our process into womanhood we did what Mother Nature programmed us to do, we fought each other and now we are left with scars.
We tread carefully around each other, for the mistrust runs deep and whether or not how much we have grown into our womanhood and how much emotionally we are secure with ourselves determines on how much we can give to our own sex.
Some females never out grow that mating pattern and they will continue the same abuse of fighting women, they are insecure with themselves, they will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel worthy inside when in truth they are weak
Those are what we call in the adult female world the back stabbers, they never grew up and formed a thick skin of what happen in childhood growth and grew into themselves, and they will forever feel the threat of another female and will hurt that female for inside she is a child that still cries over old wounds.
Than we have the secure females that yes she has her scars from mating yet she doesn’t let those scars burden her and she will seek out another female who also is secure and has her scars as well and they will form a relationship unlike any other. A friendship that bonds with love and pureness that is untouchable. No distance or miles can stop that kind of friendship and love.
In truth this is the stronger female, the better female and she will love another female and give to her and nurture her for that is what us females do, we love, and we nurture, unlike the males creatures, we can bond in ways that is beautiful and giving.
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